oh, holy shit
the shopping malls are seething
Let’s celebrate the fools around us all.1
I have come to love Christmas shopping - especially last minute Christmas shopping.
Most tend to avoid going to stores at this time of year. Foolishly enough, this is the time of year that I find retail delight.
It’s as though all the rules and codes and unspoken customs that we have to navigate, and all the games we have to play as part of contemporary life are not enough. At Christmas? So many of us put extra pressure on ourselves, and then, like the springs from a toaster popping up, delivering beautiful golden caramelized sourdough, people pop. People snap.
I love watching people snap - or on the verge of snapping.
And when it comes to people freaking out unnecessarily, there’s no better time of year nor place to be than a shopping mall leading up to Christmas.
You fool! That’s not what Christmas is about!
No?
Christmas is a holiday that celebrates the emergence of light when we are experiencing darkness.
What could be more light than laughing at people in the depths of darkness, dancing with their shadows?
With this in mind, I headed to the largest shopping centre east of Montreal to watch this human folly unfold.
To, my gift to you, over the next couple of days will be stories, really unflattering stories about the people I saw on the mall while completing my Christmas shopping.
Sure, there might be something heartwarming in these stories too -
Well, there likely will be.
This time of year I tend to get all squishy and warm. That will come into the second drafts.
But my gooey sentimentality will be blended with a high degree of human stupidity.
Want to contribute?
There’s still likely time.
Go, leave your families.
Leave your friends.
Go to the mall and observe the unfolding freakshow yourself.
oh holy night, the stars are brightly shining, come do something about a something something something saviours birth…