zen and the art of reciprocal hemorrhoids

Mr Troll goes to Costco

For our first eight years together, I bought the groceries most of the time.

This realization came to me when I reminded Laura about shopping at Costco on the Kingsway in Toronto.

We didn’t get a Costco membership till we moved here she protested.

FAKE NEWS! I went there often. You were sick or working on your Phd. I bought the groceries.

Eventually she conceded this point.

I hate grocery stores - what with their carts and the people whose missing chromosomes make their spatial decisions questionable at best I’d roar through a grocery store like a NASCAR driver ‘tradin’ paint’.

Eventually Laura got tired of listening to me rage at all of the stupids that I would encounter. She didn’t stop me from going. She just got tired of my complaining.

But remember Dear Reader, I’m a troll.

And that was when I’d troll my wife.

I did it in two ways.

First?

I’d never get the correct thing. Whether it was brand or size or flavour or quantity, I’d fuck it up on purpose.

Next?

I’d ‘forget’ things on the list of v…