You are what you do


At the grocery store,

After meeting the meat manager.

I bought an avocado. It took a long time to find it.

Most of them were unripe.

This one? I had decided to eat the next day.


I forgot about its existence.

It sat on the windowsill. Who knows how long it was there. I suppose I could check my banking app. That would destroy the tension, spoil the mystery.

Tension? Mystery?
Avocado tension?
Guacamole Mystery?

This sounds like a wrestling duo… Avocado Tension and The Guacamole Mystery.

It’s really alludes to the ancient question of:

How long do you age an avocado?

This is mysterious.

I’m always fearful when approaching an avocado. The risk? Avodisapointo - avocados of disappointment.

The reward? Avodelight!

For years I’ve been Avo-avoidant.

The pain!

Oh the pain of an avocado gone wrong!


(as such let me grunt the disappointment for you)

unnghhhh snooofff sneee gahhhh glahh ggggaaaa!

Thus and thereby sprach the grunts that unwind the stool of disappointment.

Stool of disappointment?

Sorry, Spool. Spool of disappointment

That was a typo.

You go back and fix it for me.

…unwind the stool of disappointment…

tee hee hee

Avocados are important.



There’s part of the story I left out.

The avocado’s rediscovery

I cut into this avocado of unknown age.

Just now.

I was expecting a bruising disappointment. I figured it would be like me: Spotted, rotten and just past its prime. Actually, far further past its prime than even it imagined.


I found it was delicious and fresh. This avocado was pretty damn good.

I’d do an instgram

And show you a food pic.

There’s a problem.

When it’s good. Food that is. I’m ravenous and greedy.

You don’t get to see.

It gets ett quik

The avocado is gone.

It took perhaps two, maybe three minutes.

Two or three minutes. I barely had time to salt the darn thing, let alone do an instagram for everyone else.

So? What do you think the significance is of the overlooked avocado?

I could wax poetic about overlooked people experiences or ideas.

I will likely prattle on arrogantly about some other such inanity in the future.

Today though? I will acknowledge that this avocado is merely a product of luck.

I do not cut many avocados. It’s a risk that I fear. I don’t want to live with the disappointment of a shitty avocado.


When I decided that it was overripe and to cut it to save what I could and throw the rest away? I was a bit more free.

But really? This story is ridiculous. Absurd, and, like all stories, charged with all the meaning I want to cram into it.

So. Obviously I’m someone who doesn’t cut many avocados.

For an avocado cutter? Some chef who cuts dozens daily? An avocado professional? PRODOCAVO!

For them? A great avocado is commonplace. Exceptional avocados come up all the time. Its a volume thing. If you cut enough avocados, you’ll likely run into a few really good ones every now and then.

A professional avocado cutter isn’t afraid to cut avocados. They simply cut them.

This newsletter?

This is me cutting avocados for and with you.


It’s shipped daily to ensure freshness for your enjoyment.

Remarkably Foolish Playlist

You need to listen to this one!

Avocado Dada!

Surf and loung moosic?

Da! Da!

I have had a blast putting this one together.

The songs have a bit of a similar feel - surf, rockabilly and a bit of weirdness.

Remarkably Foolish Video of the Week

This week calls for an internet legend.

Honey Badger.


It’s time to be like the honey badger.

Eat the cobra.

Don’t give a shit.

Pass out from the poison.

Get yer arse back up.



One Derful Thing


I may have suggested this before.

If I have, I’m going to do it agian.


It’s both important and interesting.


If you don’t have issues with your feet and you have a place to do this?


Be barefoot.

If you can, find a place where there’s no concrete, wood, or ashphalt.

Find some grass, earth, sand, mud, cobblestone.

Stand there. for a while.

As long as your feet can stand it.

Notice the feeling of your feet on the earth.

Share this post with someone who could use cold feet.