Where eye shadow comes from

This may or may not be true.

Where has your soul found a home?

Most of mine thrives on the scrappy coastline of the North Atlantic.

There’s a big part of me living in the loam of the redwood forests of Humbolt County California.


Part of me belongs in New York City.

Well. That’s not entirely true.

A big part of me belongs in Coney Island.

The pier there is such a scene.

Old dudes, with up to 10 lines in the water each, prospecting for dogfish.


Little sharks.

Small little sharks that congregate around the pier not more than 200 feet from where I would go swimming most days that summer…

On this night?

Most of the men weren’t looking at their lines.

The rods they were thinking of?

Not on display.

On this night, it was like there was a fucking gold shoe Barbie convention in town.

You should have seen the bling.

Gold shoes, Gold hair. Gold skin. Gold earrings.

Step step step.

Strut strut strut.

Gawk gawk gawk.

There was perhaps some ‘problematic rubbernecking’ going on.


A bell.

Just a small ringing sound.

Excited, the dude muttered something in Mandarin,

Grabbed his rod and gave a mighty pull

Arching through air came the fish

Step step step went the Barbie Dolls

All eyes were focused on the fish

Strut strut strut went the Barbie Dolls

All eyes were focused on both.

As a thirty inch long dog fish

With all its moist, wiggly ways

Went splat on her face.

Everyone was laughing.

Well. Almost everyone.

Stomp stomp stomp.

Mortified. She surrendered her dignity.

Stomp stomp stomp

And retreated without the grace of a giggle at her good fortune.

Of being forever etched in our memories.


If you were hit


In the face with a wet, wiggling dogfish

Would you have the capacity to laugh at yourself?

Or would you surrender the evening to ruined make up?

One Derful Thing

Change your life, experiment with one derful thing daily and see what happens

This is an old joke from childhood.

Say to someone:

I onethe sandbox.

If they don’t know how to reply, tell them to say

I two the sandbox

Then you say:

I three the sandbox.

They do the even ones.

You do the odd.

Once they say:

I ate the sandbox

You reply:

How did it taste?

Then later that day?

Play the same game with various random objects until they want to take your face and feed it to a whole lot of nasty, angry, flesh eating ants.