when you delilah your own samson
on identity and loss (of a moustache)
Oh dear reader, alak! Alas!
I feel cold, naked and alone.
A piece of my identity -NAY! A piece of my SOUL has been torn from me, shredded and flushed down the toilet of inattention.
For over four years I identified as a MWAM - a Man With A Moustache.
My pronouns were Fuz Zee
I was a proud member of the facial hair community, an advocate for the freedom of lip lettuce.
But now? I’ve committed an act of self harm against my identity as a MWAM. I wasn’t cutting, but it came close.
But now, this identity?
Gone.
My moustache was the source of my power.
In many, many cultures a moustache is a sign of virility and male dominance. There were essential to being a British soldier and sailor when Britannia ruled the waves.
Unsurprisingly, when I woke up this morning, I put my back out! I went into the shower Samson and became my own friggin’ Delilah. I’m powerless!
I’d worked for years maintaining, loving and supporting that moustache. I ran a tight lip ship which is ironic considering how I like to run my gums.
No matter what though?
I’m growing the fucking thing back. It’s a day later and I can feel the sandpaper just above my lip. I can’t stop licking it.
The stubble is like seedlings in a clear cut. My tongue, a constant source of water and nutirents.
Because I AM NOTHING WITHOUT MY MOUSTACHE.
Identity is important. NAY ESSENTIAL! Poor Mr. Doodleswitch Binglesproink! He has a name that no one can say. People never see him as he’d like to be seen! Instead? We just project ourselves all over each other.
And no matter how much we fight for our moustaches and the identities they support, it’s just a fucking creation, a story in our heads.
What’s worse?
They’re fucking fragile.
One ill placed shaver then, boom! You either have to go full Hitler or bare faced Nancy-boy.
No matter how we want to be seen. We have no right to be seen as we'd like. The mustache was how I wanted to be seen. It had the power
But underneath it was always just... me, a naked lipped dipstick.
Love the people who love you.
And cling to the stories in your head about yourself - they are all that you have.
For all of those who shave their moustache by mistake a baby elephant dies.