When life feeds you lemons?
punch it in the dick
Oh dear reader,
Be careful what you wish for!
Yesterday I was lamenting the lack of dragons to slay.
Today?
I found one.
But first?
Let me digress a bit.
Today was new bike day.
Zeke got a new carbon fiber gravel riding bike so I now have purchased Zeke’s old bike.
New to him, new to me - new bike day - YAY!
This new bike is a drop bar gravel bike - for those of you who don’t ride all of the time, a ‘drop bar’ bike is what you would call a ten speed bike. The bars look like curly ram’s horns.
They’re pretty sketchy to ride over rough terrain. And their fast.
So, today Zeke and I hauled them out to go ride fast over rough terrain.
Most of it was more smooth that what I typically like to ride on, but on this bike with narrow tires and twitchy handling, the rough stuff was especially spicy.
Tired legs + a depleted adrenal gland = good times.
And my legs are tired.
I set personal best records for both 40km and 100km. I did 100k in less than 5 hours of rolling time and under 6 hours total time. Lunch was quick and we didn’t rest that much.
But that bragging section?
That was a bit of a digression.
Because along the way - somewhere between South Section, Higginsville Road and one of the Middle Musquodoboit back roads, we saw a fucking bear!
It was in a corn field?
Now, what was a fucking bear doing in a corn field, you ask? Likely, looking to get kissed behind the ears.
That didn’t happen though. No bears were kissed on this ride. Though if there were, there would have been touge involved.
Instead, we were down wind of the big bruin and surprised it.
The fuckin’ thing went to rip Zeke’s face off but I chucked it to the ground and punched it in the dick.
That’s what you should do when you’re attacked by bears - find a way to punch its dick.
Ladybear?
Fucking doesn’t matter, punch it in the dick too.
Ladiebears have dicks too donchaknow - don’t be so narrow minded.
Actually though?
Though we did see a bear, I did not punch any bears in their dicks.
Though this seems like a great way to live.
Pissed off at the boss?
Throw it to the ground and punch its dick.
Having trouble building a leggo set?
Again, onto the ground with it and punch it in the dick?
Pissed off at traffic?
Take that traffic and punch it in the dick.
The applications are endless?
Hate your job?
Simple solution people:
Throw your job on the ground and punch it in the dick.
Every fool knows that.
So remember,
When life gives you lemons, there’s only one option:
And by now dear reader you know what that is but let me state the obvious:
Throw your life on the ground and punch it in the dick.
(mud tan)