wet bread wisdom

and a punch monkey's approach to enforcing sobriety

Jim Dalling

Jul 12, 2025

Dear reader,

I’m having a problem.

It’s an ethical delima.

You see, I sling booze when I wait tables.

And?

I think booze is pure shite. It’s the fucking devil.

Binge drinking in young women is linked to higher instances of breast cancer. My own wife, a survivor of Stage 4 breast cancer for 15 years now, links her battle directly to the years she spent binge drinking in her youth.

And alcohol for middle aged men?

It’s a different kind of cancer. (remember that we middle aged men are the best in the world at suicide? Booze is our Tenzing Norgay.

And when booze is mixed with cocaine?

It’s fucking deadly.

Take this video for example - in it you’ll see retired NHL enforcer Nick Tarnasky forced to pummel a coked up drunk.

I mean, it is quite excellent watching a six foot three two hundred and sixty pound punch-monkey rag doll a dude eighty pounds lighter than him while saying ‘BANG BANG BANG’ with every punch to the drunks kisser.

Right?

Who here hasn’t had a moment dealing with an unreasonable drunk when you thought Geeze, wouldn’t it be nice just to beat the living shit outta this motherfucker?

Though I’m not a 6’3” punch-monkey, I do appreciate watching an aggressive drunk get shit kicked.

If you’re the type that wakes up hung over and have gotten used to the hang over, maybe you outta pick a fight with a retired NHL enforcer.

That way you can get the shit kicked out of you so bad that maybe you finally decide to never drink again.

Because, as someone who lost someone dear to him to pancreatic cancer AKA the alcoholic’s cancer, getting your ass kicked by a punch-monkey is probably preferable to the unbearable, agonizing pain and eventual death that comes pancreatic cancer.

So, if you still like booze?

Be like the small man in this video.

Flap your gums.

Behave in ways that are fucking embarassing.

And the next day when all you can chew is wet bread?

Reconsider the booze eh?

Warning: This video is hilarious if you like watching drunks get punched the fuck out:

https://x.com/morning_skate/status/1942567036527239583