Maybe you’re still trying.
Still trying to make the team
To score the goals
To fill the shoes
To get the promotion
To join the club
To fit the role
To do what you were told.
Oh and they told you so many ways. Some told you explicitly. You were called names like weirdo or worse. They taunted your joy, sneered at your tears. You and your emotions don’t belong here.
Those people? They weren’t comfortable with you discomfort. They made rules like: Emotions have no place at work. They did this not because emotions are inappropriate. They made these rules because emotions are uncomfortable. And those people uncomfortable with your emotions? That speaks more to their inability rather than yours.
Others told you implicitly. They told you with a dismissive shake of a head, with avoidant eyes fixed on their feet. They told you with the invitations you didn’t get. They screamed at you with their silence. “YOU DON’T FIT IN!”
Fit into what?
That someone else sees as valid
Who the hell do you need to please but yourself?
I don’t blame you.
They believed that fitting in was important.
They believed that fitting in was essential.
Fitting in was how they survived.
But people are limited.
They didn’t understand that since you were born on this earth, you belong on this earth. They didn’t understand that it’s not your work to contort yourself to fit in to the world. They missed the point that it’s not your job to conform to some sort of standard. Because the standards are arbitrary anyway. They seemed to forget that since you were born, the fact that you still live means that there is room for you on this earth as you are. Fitting in? That doesn’t serve you. It serves them.
And whatever quirky fucked up part of you that they find shameful?
It’s not your work here to fit in.
It’s your job to go and occupy a space that works for you.
And if its way out on the fringes,
Far from the centre of the flat earth most people choose to live in?
You just end up expanding our understanding of what is possible.
You’ve skinned a lot of different cats in a lot of different ways.
You create a bigger world for all of us.
We want you to be you.
We need you to be you.
The ever expanding universe demands it.
One Derful Thing
Call things the wrong name. When someone passes you a plate, thank them for the radiator. Before leaving the house make sure you have your yakks bladder so someone can text you the grocery list. Get your kittens on and bring a flamingo in case it rains.
Call things the wrong name.
Enjoy how people react.
Get them to play too.