to the birth of expectations

and being over-looked

Where do babies come from?

Oh my, what a question. Babies bring expectations. One of which is the expectation that we’ll need to endure this discomfort at some point in time as a parent.

Where then do expectations come from? Do they come from babies.

Babies come with far more expectations than you can imagine. Even the process of being pregnant is referred to as expecting.

Did an expecting mother give birth to global expectations?

Is it all Eve’s fault (again)?

All kidding aside, as we explore the limits and pain of human expectations, let’s look at where all of this diabolical expecting business began. For this task, our old friend the etymology online dictionary is a great resource.

(but let’s begin with the more active form of the word)

expect: 1550s, "wait, defer action," from Latin expectare/exspectare "await, look out for; desire, hope, long for, anticipate; look for with anticipation," from ex- "thoroughly" (see ex-) + spectare "to look," frequentative of specere "to look at" (from PIE root *spek- "to observe").

The figurative sense of "anticipate, look forward to" developed in Latin and is attested in English from c. 1600. Also from c. 1600 as "regard as about to happen." Meaning "count upon (to do something), trust or rely on" is from 1630s. Used since 1817 as a euphemism for "be pregnant." In the sense "suppose, reckon, suspect," it is attested from 1640s but was regarded as a New England provincialism. Related: Expected; expecting.

What’s striking to me about this is that an expectation comes from waiting and deferring action. Expectations are thereby essentially passive. What’s more, expectations are so beautifully connected to ‘perfectionism’ and ‘analysis paralysis’ when we go deeper into the Latin root of the word ‘expect’.

When someone deeply examines a subject or thoroughly look at things, they have not only inspected something but they literally have expected that thing as well. That seems impossible, or at least highly implausible. But they told me the same thing about lighting farts on fire, yet here I sit, he of the singed arse hair, so I guess we’ll roll with it.

When we have expectations, we are ‘expecting’. What do we expect? Well, what we ‘expect’ is the thing we’ve looked at again and again in our minds eye. We’ve looked over something so much, we become at risk of over looking the thing we’re looking at.

How can attention to details lead to something being ‘over-looked’? Easily, you’ve looked at it too much. In doing so, you’ve constructed huge expectations for yourself and for the thing you’ve been looking at.

Did I say huge?

Meh…

That wasn’t right.

Detailed. Deeply entrenched, well worn, very real fantasies that we believe must happen, get created.

One of the biggest sets of expectations comes when someone is ‘expecting’.

Are you a parent?

How much did you imagine what your child might be like or how you would like to be with your child?

How many times did you thoroughly look in your imagination what things might be like or should be like according to how you were raised?

How have you over looked your child?

When do you imagine they may feel relieved when they are overlooked?

What expectations have you had for yourself for as long as you can remember?

What expectations were there before you arrived?

As for this post, were you expecting this?

Neither was I

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