there is are gaps
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there is are gaps
the job is always bigger than we think
What happens with you when your ambitions and sense of personal resources don’t line up?
Likely the same thing that happens when the gaps between the cinder blocks in your foundation have no cement. Holes pop up. Things cease to function the way you might like them to. Problems occur.
When investigating water problems, it’s good to start small, prudent really. A small hole is easy to clean up. Starting small when it comes to repairs requires a lot of optimism.
Working on my foundation, I began cutting sod with a utility knife. A spoon and slot screwdriver were sufficient tools for digging.
Many people begin therapy this way. They figure, let’s scrape around at the surface a bit. They’re hopeful, optimistic really, that life long problems can go away quickly.
As a therapist with foundation problems, I know that this is rarely the case.
With the foundation, I walked around the corner and dug down six inches.
The gaps between the cinderblocks were concerning.
They were large. It was clear where the water was coming from.
I knew what I had to do immediately.
The knife and spoon were moved in a trade for a pick and a spade.
I started digging.
Things are a mess.
The yard is full of dirt. I have killed at least two sunflowers.
My back is sore. My hands have blood blisters. I’m only a fifth of the way through.
Holy shit.
What the hell have I done?
There is a gap between what I want to do and what I have done.
There is a gap between the task I’m facing and my confidence in my ability to pull it off.
Again.
This is the creative process.
This is how therapy goes.
We start optimistically, then things get really messy.
The work is exhausting and it hurts.
The job is almost always bigger than we think it’s going to be.
Knowing what it took to make such little progress, it’s discouraging to keep digging.
There’s more effort, more pain, more repair to come.
Then?
I have a mess to clean up.
But, the question is:
Do you do the work, go on the journey and hang in?
Or,
Do you live your life with a leaky basement?
there is are gaps
"Do you do the work, go on the journey and hang in?
Or,
Do you live your life with a leaky basement?"
Love this.
I am taking a nutrition break between coats of ceiling paint on my main bathroom. The whole room is getting a refresh. I was embarrassed about this room for a number of years, but shutting down the only bathroom with a shower is a touchy thing in a home of four adults all with different busy schedules.
It's going to have taken me 2 1/2 weeks to do what would have been a weekend job for the me of 18 years ago, when I first did this work. It has been emotional. My body is not as strong, my eyesight not as clear and my spirit is still recovering from being ravaged by the experience of coping with life during COViD times.
This time I am using a kinder, gentler approach. I do a little, take a break. Do something mentally active and less physically active. Putter by putting things away, doing dishes and making meals. Then back to the job at hand: making the super cute bathroom that I designed and bringing it back to a space I am proud of.
My choice was to be uncomfortable and impact our bathroom access or accept an unattractive and potentially unhealthy bathroom. Push and shove met, which means I have another project that I am more committed to procrastinate on that this one. The bath will be done sometime soon and I will feel invincible for a short period. Improvement, home or personal, is a prime pumping process. With a small project successfully completed, other projects seem possible, likely even. Small wins create momentum. Not too much now, I gotta pace myself.