There are second chances we do not want

Especially when it comes to plumbing emergencies

The second plumbing emergency was different.

I figured that I knew enough to fix things.

It was still an emergency.

It was still urgent.

It was still very very upsetting.

I started at one hardware store. I purchased chemicals and a snake.

The first plumber?

He didn’t use chemicals.

But me?

I wasn’t a pro.

I didn’t want to be ‘under-gunned’ in my attempts to reopen the pipes.

My hero plumber? He likely had those in his big, awesome plumber-truck, with his big, crazy awesome plumber-snake.

So?

Fuck it.

Chemicals it is. What could possibly go wrong.

I began with the dumping of chemicals.

Some went in the floor drain, the rest went in every entrance to my building’s subterranean exits.

In some cases I ran the water. In others, I started flushing.

This did not have the effect that I hoped.

This did not work at all.

This did the opposite of working

It was like

Slow

motion.

Frame by frame

the water levels began to creep up.

Shit

Yup.

Shit began to flow in a direction that, if you were to reach into any plumbing tex…