the troll and the keurig

on pushing buttons and getting coffee

Hello, yes, good morning Keurig! The coffee is hot yes?

I belted my greeting out to the coffee lady using my best Borat accent.

Very niiiiiice I continued.

If I had of crept up behind her and smashed a pair of symbols together I don’t think I could have possibly been more charming.

Charming?

Yes dear reader, that was the intent.

And here?

It was a typo.

I couldn’t have been any more jarring.

She paused with her mouth gaping

What did you just call me?

Ah-ha! I met one - one of those ladies who find men’s attempts at humour to be some sort of unwanted sexist impositions.

With that in mind, I continued to push.

Yello, yes, you are the coffee machine - keurig - yes. I make joke. Good joke. Top funny. Not

Top. Funny. Not.

I ran the three words together almost as throw aways.

The disgust on her face was palpable.

Coffee machine?

She dripped with authentic seriousness and a strong sense that she wanted to social justice all over me.

But?

But I was the customer.

And she had a boss so I was going to continue w…