The toxic avengers of the Gaspereau

and Ricky’s rules of the road

My driver, Ricky and I are engaged in a brutal war. Like duelling Toxic Avengers the two of us are devastating the countryside - and each other with a constant discharge of flatulence.

I don’t know what’s rumbling more - our aluminum cargo van over washboard roads or the rumblings coming from our butts.

Even as we pass an over flowing manure lagoon, both farmers and cattle run for the hills.

There is a reason you see delivery drivers in those big aluminum vans driving around with both doors open.

Despite his rancid asshole, Ricky is a pretty gentle guy. He told me a story that stuck:

One day, I was on this road and there was this big snake right in the middle of it. He wouldn’t move. So I got out of the truck to pick him up and move him. But then? He slid under the truck and in between the twin tires on the right rear.

Leaving one terrible place to go and hide, he went somewhere worse.

That’s what you’re afraid of aren’t you?

You’re afraid that if you get spooked and have to leave, the place you end up might just be worse than the place you left…

Ricky continued.

Finally, I pulled the little asshole out from the wheels. Just as I chucked him, he bit me.

There’s a moral here. If you see a snake sunning himself in the road? Don’t swerve. Don’t stop and try to pick him up. Just keep going.