the thunder bay wonder boy

and the ultimate short bed non pickup

Greeting from cloudy Thunder Bay Ontario!

Yes dear reader, this fool has flown far from the coop and has been scribbling from the land of the sleeping giant.

I’m staying with my mother in law - fixing her roof.

Should I make some mother in law jokes?

Naw… I’ve been antagonizing her enough by making fun of her daughter’s technology choices. Her daughter, my wife is great at quilting and being a mom. But when it comes to buying computers? Well, that’s a tale for another time… Another time when she’s out of town and I can sleep wherever I damn well please.

I will say this about my wife’s tech savvy.

She buys short bus computers for our son and for a long time had herself a short bus telephone. He tastes in technology can only be described as special.

But her taste in men?

Exquisite if I so say so myself.

It’s been three sleeps that I’ve been here, immersed in the glorious odour of the pulp mill.

I’ve missed both of my children, the animals and my wife.

But today was the day I had a crushing longing, an epic yearning.

Today, I missed my truck.

I missed my truck so very very much.

You see dear reader not only do I like to cuddle up with the bench seat for relaxation and pleasure, I have a great, functional relationship with my truck.

Here in Thunder Bay, I’m repairing a leaking roof and building a deck for my mother in law.

She drives a Honda Civic.

Lemmie tell ya, a Honda Civic is a great car.

Unless of course you want to move enough lumber to build a small deck.

If that’s the case, you’ve got a big problem.

Well.

One might have a big problem unless of course you’ve run outta fucks and are willing to be that guy.

Today I was that guy.

That guy, with the Honda civic, hand sawing board in the Home Despot parking lot in order to fit them into the car.

This may have been dangerous if I cut the boards randomly.

Instead? I made the cuts that I needed for the deck before brining the wood home.

Did the locals stare?

A bit.

I felt sad at times though, I wanted to put on a heavy Nova Scotian accent and act really dumb but most people just looked away awkwardly and pretended they didn’t see me.

They missed out on something spectacular though. I was engaged in a feat of incredible planning and mastery.

It worked out (mostly)

I was two boards shy of a deck.

Which is like being a couple of bricks short of a load.

What else would you expect from that guy who’s out there in the parking lot cutting boards with a handsaw he just purchased and is jamming them into the back of an octogenarian Honda Civic any way he could.

So if you plan on being an idiot like me?

Measure twice,

and?

Cut once.