We have a deep freeze in our basement.
I call it the cancer freezer.
Ya see, if you don’t have a deep freeze when a family member gets cancer, it should be the first item on your list.
Sure looking for a good oncologist is one item on your to do list.
The priority however needs to be the freezer.
How else are you going to handle the oncoming food onslaught?
Where else do you put the many lasagnes that you’ll come home to discover hiding in the bushes waiting to steal your wallet.
Don’t let me confuse you. Cancer’s not all freezer cheese and having sex with a bald person.
You sometimes end up with soups and casseroles as well.
Despite the fact that Laura’s been out of treatments for a dozen or so years, we still have the cancer freezer.
I think we even saved a lasagne from Steve, just for shits and giggles.
But that freezer?
It’s a mystery box
In addition to acting as a deep freeze, it’s main role is to act as a shelf for cases of pop, bags of protein powder and the big bins that hold four or other dry goods.
In fact, there are times I question whether or not the freezer actually opens.
And if it did, would anything be there?
If we put Shrodinger turkey in that freezer would it ever end up cooked?
Well,
Some mysteries can be solved.
I found the freezer with its lid cleared. I opened it.
Inside?
I discovered the two sides of gratification:
First?
There was an orange freeze.
RIGHT ON
Instant gratification.
In addition to this?
Surprise bacon!
Typically I can tell you EXACTLY how much bacon there is in my house - right down to the strip.
It’s a bit of a neurodiversity thing.
Some can name dinosaurs, others count train cars.
Me?
I typically keep a clear count of the household bacon.
BUT NOT AS WELL AS I THOUGHT!
This hidden bacon, this sandwich surprise I did not eat immediately.
DELAYED GRATIFICATION!
It’s fun.
But given that whole ‘marshmallow test’ thing - where you’re given a second marshmallow if you don’t eat the first one right away, I’m waiting for a second pound of bacon to show up.
The moral?
If someone has cancer, don’t give them lasagne. Don’t give them a freezer.
But bacon?
If it’s well cured, it’s a cure all.
Stay healthy you snotwaddles.