Yesterday I told you about ‘that guy I was supposed to like”.
The biggest problem that I found with him was he was like me in a lot of ways. He was a lot like me in a lot of the ways that I did not like about myself.
Back then, I had neither patience with him, nor with myself. And compassion? That was not a word in heavy rotation for me in those days.
How he was in the world made my skin crawl.
During my brief encounters with self awareness, how I was in the world made my skin crawl too.
Frequently, when people irritate us, it’s likely because we are guilty of the same bullshit that we’re irritated by.
It’s normal and easy to get irritated by people. It takes effort to ground yourself, connect and move forward. That’s work.
So, do we work at relationships because of some reward, or do we work on relationships so we can always be improving how we relate?
It’s like the old saying goes:
If you want to catch fish, don’t use a baseball glove.
I work with the public. My work involves more than a transaction. At least a temporary relationship is made. After years of some less than satisfying relationships, I needed to change my perspective on this process. In examining those relationships that I most wanted to forget, I realized that they taught me more than the easy ones, the rewarding ones, the uplifting ones. They pushed me to develop new relationship skills. I started to get excited when I met someone my Dad would have called, "a piece of work." Anyone can have a rewarding, positive relationship with a wonderful person and I have met a good number of those. Those "pieces of work"? They helped me develop some ninja level people skills. They were gifts of a different nature and our relationships? They ended. Gratefully. But I made sure I got something for my trouble: either increased skill or intense pleasure in their absence.