the piss circle paradigm

marking and remarking success

Imagine one day walking down a snow covered path. You come to a clearing. In the middle you can’t decide if what you’re seeing is inspiring, appalling or improbable. Who did this, why and what on earth is it doing here?

Some might shake their heads and laugh. Others might roll their eyes. Some would squint and scowl with puzzlement. How the hell did they pull that off, you’d likely hear muttered. What you’ve encountered are the success markings of a remarkable fool.

We all define success in our own ways. A successful life for me involves doing a ‘good enough’ job as a father and never working from a cubicle. For a noble, success might have something to do with family name. For an activist, it might be some new law or policy. For an old person with a lab, success might come in the form of a brass plaque on a park bench.

Success for me is simple. I feel successful every time I get a chance to pee in a circle. If I can do it in the snow? That’s a massive accomplishment. It’s a way of leaving my mark on the world. Having a piss circle seen, noticed and spoken about by ‘the others?’ That’s such an improbability, I might as well try to win an Oscar.

Pissing in a circle is success?

I know what you’re thinking: That sounds odd, unnecessary and just plain gross. How on earth could that mark success?

We all define success differently. Freedom and the resources to be away from people are the biggest makers of success for me. Even for those at the peak of their careers, positions and statuses, having a moment to disappear, drop their pants and piss in a circle with their hands above their heads can be a difficult thing to fit in to the run of a day.

I love peeing outside. I do it every chance I get. I do this at hockey games. I’ve done it at bars. I regularly, at night, take long, relaxing leaks in my back yard. In high school, I achieved a childhood goal of writing ‘Jimmy’ in the snow in cursive. By employing restraint, I even managed to cross my ‘J’ and dot my eye. Can you imagine how proud I was?

Maybe not. I didn’t have a cell phone. I didn’t tell anyone. But just as Dr Seuss did after creating the world, I looked at my work and called it good. It was then I set my next goal: Pee in a circle. Hands free. Make it visible. How long would I take to accomplish this? My mind roiled with delight.

In order to pee hands free in the snow, certain variables need to be met. One must be alone. One must have a lot of pee. The winds need to be ‘favorable’. This is particularly important - especially if you’re a university student attempting to ‘circle piss’ en route to school. This happed along a railway corridor. The wind was bad. My day was less than wonderful. In addition to all of these factors, one must be able to modulate the urine such that it travels the same distance from the centre where you stand to the edge. Failure to do this will produce ‘rounded’ shapes. It will not be a proper piss circle.

can you imagine ho delighted I felt when all of this came together? I was Ozymandias, king of kings! Look on my schwaz, ye mighty despair!¹ And much like the remains of Ramses II, the empire of my creation would not last. A piss circle is like any accomplishment or any goal achieved. Sure, these things mark your place in the world.

And?

Like you, like Ramses II, us and all of our achievements and accomplishments are merely piss in the snow.

Sure, they might mean something to us.

They might even make the world a better place for a while.²

And, like a yellow circle in the snow, they eventually fade away.

Where will you leave your mark

?

1. please google this if you did not get the joke. you deserve to know.

and mary’s husband might as well be remembered too.

2. My pee is like peas. It adds important nitrogen and phosphorous to the soil! If you want to leave the earth better than you found it, compost before you are compost.