the maple maul chronicles

clowning around with an axe and dead batteries

I tried to social media last night.

I wanted to record myself chopping wood using my go pro.

I pulled it out. The battery was dead.

The first three batteries I tried were dead.

Was there a fourth?

There was.

And last night?

I danced as a clown with a splitting maul would whilst attempting to break up a big ugly green piece of solid maple.

The round was impetratable.

My maul merly bounced with each swing.

I swung at it some hundred and fifty times before I stopped counting.

It was glorious.

For a bit of satisfaction I subbed in a few smaller frozen bombs that went off like childrens toys over the Donbas trenches.

Unexpected and incredibly powerful I felt after each blow.

With my trophies tidied, I’d return to my nemesis that unpenetrable round.

I’m will burn you, you motherfucker!

Bounce.

Bounce.

Bounce.

Bounce went my axe well into the night.

It’s all on camera.

Next is the edit.

The film you’ve all been waiting for: “Clown Dances With Axe¹ will only be possible because I dug deep and tried the fourth batt…