the laws of laundry
and selling services not time
On any given day, you’ll see a LOT of branded vans in the neighbourhood.
Some are working on heat pumps.
Others are here to provide more insulation.
There are others still with mobile dog washing services. Another neighbour?
They have their upholstery steam cleaned quarterly.
This checks out.
They’re vegans.
I can only imagine the farts.
The cleaning service? They likely have to pay a hazardous waste fee to dispose of the water from those chesterfields.
These businesses don’t charge hourly. They provide a service at a fixed price and leave based on the value of their work.
How much is their work worth?
It really depends on market factors.
Take for example the lawyers down the street. They’re a busy professional couple with two children still in diapers of one form or another.
They also happen to have a dog that had lepto. It survived but is rather incontinent. I call him Dingo, the diarrhetic dachshund.
No, these are not the neighbours who have the steam cleaner appear quarterly - though someone outta tell the steam cleaners to give a little knock just three doors down…
The lawyers?
They rely on their laundry machine.
A laundry machine is essential. You never really know how essential until it craps out.
Oh hey Jimmy,
George looked harried - How are you keeping?
Things are going along tickity boo - George’s teeth were gritted through is stattico response. Then he stopped.
It’s just appalling. You can’t get anyone to do anything these days.
?
The washing machine broke. All I see are piles of shit and vomit everywhere. The kids are sick and blowing through their diapers, Johnson is still crapping everywhere and there’s not a clean towel in sight. Maria is over at her mom’s trying to get some of this stuff clean but at this point I’m ready to put a match to the whole mess and walk away.
The vein on George’s forehead continued to throb as he paused to take a breath.
We went to the Home Despot, the Green place and even the specialized appliance place.
Three weeks.
That’s how long it would take for the model we want.
And if we get something that’s in stock now?
The soonest they can have it over here is a week from tomorrow.
A week from tomorrow?
We’re drowning in turds.
Maria’s upset and distracted at work.
I can clear this away when I’m actually working but once I get home?
I want to go back to work.
I’m almost ready to go and rent a truck myself to go pick up what they have in stock. The only problem?
I’d break my neck getting it down the stairs into the basement.
And what would I have to do to get rid of the broken one?
I’m screwed.
And behind Maria’s parents sympathy all I can hear is their judgement of me - Why can’t George take care of this? They should have let that dog go.
She’s sick of it too. Why does your three year old still wet the bed? When you were that age we would have tore a strip off your arse if you kept up that kind of nonsense.
I was curious. What would you pay to get the new washer delivered and installed tonight?
George paused a moment and gaped. His mind was racing sensing a possible end to this nightmare.
Well, the home despot offer free delivery with the new machine. With them, you get what you pay for. If I could get life back to normal tonight - no muss no fuss? I don’t know…
You wouldn’t have to lift a finger and the new machine would be in, the old would be at the curb and everything would work - tickity boo - no muss, no fuss.
And Maria wouldn’t have to go to her folks place?
Yup - Happy wife, happy life.
Five hundred dollars. Cash. Right now. Do you know someone?
I smiled and nodded happily,
Well George, they once called me Jim the therapist.
Now, I’m Jim d’andyman.
And today is your lucky day. Let’s go for a ride in my truck…
And that’s how this handyman business began.
Instead of selling ‘time’ for people to talk, I’m selling a service that is concrete.
Though I’m no expert life and living ‘handyman’ and therapist are essentially the same job.
In both cases people who I finish working with have what they need to get their shit cleaned up.
