The grocery store of life

Jim's classic grocery store rant as you've never heard it before

I write a lot about grocery stores, likely it's because in grocery stores, there's usually something for everybody.

You might want to be an avocado or the PRODOCAVO. You might be there to meet the meat manager. You simply might be there for groceries. Whatever the case, there's something for most everyone.

You’ll find all of life’s necessities in a grocery store. Are you an Android dreaming of electric sheep? Find yourself in need of a top up on oil or luuuube? Grocery stores got you. They’re pretty much like a market. Only supersized. A Super-market!

Able to leap…

No.

It’s a damn grocery store Jim. That sucker’s leapin’ nothing.

How could they leap?

They

Don’t

Have

De

Feet.

(which I guess saves them from the agony…)

read that until you get it.

Well done.

Let’s continue.

Have you ever noticed any thing heroic about a Supermarket?

What’s so super about them?

Who every heard of a grocery store flying through the air?

Who every heard of a grocery store getting changed into pyjamas in a phone booth?

There’s nothing super about a super market.

Think supermarket.

Think heroic?

Not so much.

Imagine, a mild mannered convenience store, it slips into a phone booth.

Next second?

BAM!

Out comes SUPERMARKET! Able to feed entire communities quality food at a fair price!

impressive

and super is not the right word

Perhaps Mediocre Market would be a more honest descriptor. Quality food at a fair price. Nothing unexpected. And, yet, they contain unexpected wisdom for the remarkably foolish.

At some point in time we all end up in a grocery store. We do our thing. Some people take carts. I'm a basket guy myself. only. I buy what I can carry.

Whatever you do. We all walk up and down the isles. Looking for shit. Checking shit out. You pick up your shit. I’ll pick up mine. Many of have a shit list. Some of us improvise. You pick up your tofu. I’ll pick up my salami. And so we make our way through the aisles filling up our shit holders with shit.

Then a little bit of magic happens

We get to the front. I put my shit on the belt. You put your shit there. I look at your shit. You look at mine.

and no one judges each other in these places.

ever.

no one ever has judged anyone here.

Regardless of these line / belt judgements?

The remarkably foolish wisdom of the grocery store comes into full effect.

WHAM!

Down goes the shit separator.

That plastic thing that they put on the belt?

That’s called a shit separator.

Having a shit separator is a kind of superpower.

It can help you focus on what’s yours.

It can help you have a greater sense of agency.

Imagine having your own plastic bar. A custom made shit separator.

It could be inscribed with the following remarkably foolish words:

I don’t like your shit

And you don’t like mine.

I don't carry your shit home.

And you don’t carry mine.

I won’t cook, eat or swallow your shit.

Nor will you mine

I will not shit your shit.

On this shit, we can agree.

And this shit will set us free.

Read that shit out loud to yourself.

Are there any parts of your life that could use some time with a shit separator?


One Derful Thing

Create for yourself prototypes of a shit separator. Make them out of whatever you can find. They could be an old paper towel tube. A hunk of firewood. A piece of a shift of an old hockey stick. A post it not with the words ‘shit separator’ written on it.

Anything.

Then?

See if there’s a time and a place to pull it out and see if it works.

Next? Find someone to join in the game. Share this post with them and have fun throwing down shit separators for each other.

Ohhhhhhhh…

Start a club.

That’s it. Start a shit separator club.

Then?

Get a grocery store to sponsor you.