the earth hates you (especially on a bike)

a cyclists unhelpful guide to the jank of daily living

Riding season has returned!

It’s finally that time of year when the days are longer and warmer.

Life is bursting from every corner and the earth is verdantly ready to mock and humiliate me on a bicycle.

It’s time to venture out onto life's single tracks, eh?

And doing hit here in Nova Scotia? There’s none of those white velvet gloved manicured trails with their delicate clay caps and precious smooth jumps and botox berms.

The trails here are old school - like the kind of crap your cranky great uncle told you about walking to school on - uphill into the wind in both directions.

They’re barely passable paths hacked through the woods just wide enough for a dirty old troll like me to wobble over.

The trails here make one question their life choices.

Dear reader, I typically finish a ride with an arse more welted than a gum chewer in Singapore.

The technical term, for those soft bottomed readers who haven’t embraced this glorious suck?

Janky

Janky, my dear reader, is the universe actively tryi…