strawberry sensitivities

and taking big bites outta life

I only lasted an hour. We were supposed to be there all afternoon, but I only lasted an hour. Who knew strawberries could be so disappointing?

It was June of 1983. I was ten. We were at a strawberry u-pick. In reality, the strawberries were not disappointing, I was.

Initially I was neither disappointing nor disappointed. Initially, I was hungry. I must have been a bit too hungry. At the time, I figured that it shouldn’t matter - my hunger that is. I was in a field of food.

As a ravenous ten year old with a sweet tooth, I descended on the strawberries like a wildebeest on the carcass of an impala. My face was ruddy and dripping strawberry juice. That poor u-pick owner didn’t realized what they were in for when they unleashed me on their plants.

I guess that’s why u-pick farmers charge retail for the privilege of working for them. It’s expensive because of massive losses to greedy-gutted children.

Knowing their patrons, u-pick owners should also stock Claratin and barf bags.

That’s why I o…