I've got a confession to make.

As a just starting out writer, this is a difficult thing to say.

There are certain people today whose brilliance requires a certain amount of deference. Their body of work speaks for itself. They really should be respected.

And?

I’m just not that interested in doing what I ‘should’ do.

Well.

I have in the past.

But not anymore.

It’s time to come clean:

I pretend to like David Sedaris.

Sure, his writing is brilliant.

I just really wish he didn't read it. His voice is among the most irritating sounds imaginable.

It was shocking really. In an attempt to develop my own style, my own voice, I figured I’d listen to how some great English language humourists read their work. After exhausting Stuart McLean, getting bored by the Americana of the Prairie Home Companion, I slid into some Sederis.

That was a mistake.

I’m expecting something brilliant.

Then I hear him.

My muscles tighten. I try to force a smile. It’s not working. I give it some more time.

Fifteen more seconds. The mans a geneious. He deserves fifteen more seconds of your time. What’s twenty seconds of your life anyway. You spend that much time deciding whether to use the paper or the bidet on some mornings. The great David Sederis deserves at least that much consideration.

Eighteen… Nineteen….

OH GOD GET IT OFF GET IT OFF MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP!

In my head I’m left thinking:

What hell just happened? Whose voice is this? This is his voice? This is his voice. You’re serious? This guys sounds like that? But his writing sounds so vibrant, textured, intelligent. How can this be? His voice is…

I can’t really describe it.

Laura suggested that while some people really have a face that’s fit for radio, David Sederis has a voice that fit for text.

It’s a shame though. I usually love it when an author reads their work. In this case? Hard no.

David Sedaris, if you ever read this, I think you're absolutely brilliant. I love your work. It would be great to connect some time. But please don't call me. Text please. You have the voice for it.

Thanks.