So Soff
So soff that I replaced the 't'with another 'f'
More stuff that I’m attempting to sell.
This advert was blocked by Facebook marketplace.
I was attempting to grow the readership of the Foolsletter by responding to a comment on the maketplace post. Facebook’s rules fee a bit like the cool kids in high school - obscure, changing and entirely self serving.
And? Let’s bring more people here so they spend less time there.
Do you know someone who is remarkably foolish?
Here’s the offensive advert:
Learning to surf is hard.
Your surfboard is hard.
The roof of your car is hard.
That’s a lot of hard.
Like a big pile of pasta, hard on hard, is like spaghetti on spaghetti. Pretty damn flavourless.
You need sauce to make things palatable.
Same as your surfing life.
Driving to the beach with the ass end of your board hanging out of the back of your mom’s Suburu?
I’m certain that it was pretty exciting, embarrassing and fun.
And noisy, and a bit nerve wracking.
And?
Totally kooky.
It’s ok. It’s important to be a kook at first. We all were one once.
(many of us still are)
These racks are protection against an essential aspect of our humanity:
The internalized violence and aggression within us all.
Yes you too.
I can hear you now: I’m neither violent or aggressive.
Tell that to your chick peas hippie. You violently alter their state by whipping them into hummus. After smashing them with enamel spikes, you destroy them in a bath of acid, harvesting only what you need and then passing on the waste for someone else to deal with. You inconsiderate, violent prick.
The roof of your car is unyielding, hard, and problematic for your surfboard.
Your surfboard is unyielding, hard and problematic for the roof of you car.
Create a buffer better than a beach towel.
Buy these racks.
(this advert received several complaints and was paused for a short time. I do not know why)
One Derful Thing
Full body rock paper scissors
This one brings joy everywhere.
Before starting your next meeting on Zoom, dinner as a family or religious celebration / funeral / celebration of life etc… Challenge the family to a tournament of rock paper scissors.
Only this time?
You’re not using your hand.
Instead of shaking your hand
one
two
three
times?
Jump up and down
Rock?
Crouch down in a ball.
Paper.
Big wide arms and feet spread as far out as they can.
Scissors?
Use your imagination.
Do an elimination round until someone comes out the champion.
Give them a gold star for being so dominant at such and important task.
Reasons? Likely 1) "Prick" 2) expecting a straight forward ad online and anything else is an offense and 3) you coloured outside the lines.
I colour outside the lines all the time. People inch away. They aren't my people. It's all good. I once put up a flyer at my work to sell my car titled, "Baby for sale". You eventually learned that my baby was "blue and has had few trips to the doctor (mechanic)". Some people were offended, but they were the ones who actually thought it was possible that someone would put up a sign to sell a baby. I found that creepy. Not my people. You are a poet. Don't expect to be understood. But those who do will inch closer.