Selling salvation

introducing the chicken lighthouse magic wand

Dear reader, my time unemployed has been productive.

I have in fact had a large breakthrough recently.

In my time without work, I have developed something so unique, so incredible that the world may never be the same.

It is the original, the authentic, the one of a kind device that people didn’t know they wanted until it came into existence.

It is the genuine article, dear reader.

It’s organic, and 100% Canadian made.

And right now?

I’m the only person on this earth who possesses such a gift.

E-Lawn? Doesn’t have one

Zuckerburger? Sure, he’s on a spectrum of sorts, but not the spectrum that has such wonderment.

And Jeffrey? He may have made Walmart without leaving the house, but despite his incredible wealth, he’s not as rich as I am.

For I am the creator of and sole owner of the original, authentic un repeatable Chicken Lighthouse Magic wand.

Right?

I have a lighthouse, that looks like a chicken and functions as a magic wand.

Ask yourself this: Do I possess a chicken lighthouse magic wand?

You know the answer. The answer is a resounding NO!

The next question I’m guessing that’s on your mind is

WHERE CAN I GET MYSELF ONE OF THESE CHICKEN LIGHTHOUSE MAGIC WANDS?

You can buy one from me.

I have two and am willing to part with one of them for one million US dollars.

RIGHT?

I know what you’re thinking, dear reader, that price seems a little steep.

Dear reader, it is steep. But, it’s tough to put a price on salvation.

Some say, pray to Jesus.

Other say worship the dude whose profit married a nine year old.

Me?

I say put your faith in the Chicken Lighthouse Magic Wand.

It’s just as effective as religion, only without the nasty side effects.

Though it is difficult to put a price on salvation, I have.

And that price?

It’s one million US dollars.

Save your pennies you fools!