Ragnarock end of life services

we'll send you straight to Valhala!

I love chopping things.

My neighbour noticed.

He was scared. Worried even.

I approach chopping with too much gusto it seems.

He said that I looked like a crazed axe murderer.

This was pleasing. Pleasing enough to give birth to a joke.

When he jokingly expressed his concern about my delight in tree mutilation, by asking: “We don’t have to be worried about you, do we?”

I found a great reply.

I wouldn’t do that for free. Not unless you paid me. In fact, I’m starting a business: Ragnarock End of Life Services. It’s a turn key service for people who want medically assisted dying, but want to do it holistically, traditionally and without all those toxic chemicals.

Here’s how it works. You hire me to end your life. I provide you with a wooden sword. I break into your home some random night with a machete and an axe. We do battle, you lose and go to Valhala.¹ I win and, while soaked in your blood, I provide grief counseling to your kin.

They fought valiantly. Their name will be sung in the halls of …