Quest for food!
Hangry man part two - the hangering
First, thank you all who messaged me about your favourite bits of writing. I think I have a nice framework for what I’ll share.
With that in mind, I’m going to give a bit of a think as to when and will get back to you all with an announcement about and upcoming live reading / performance.
Now, on with the show…
We took a trip
A kind of stay-cation kind of thing.
We traveled around a part of the world near us that we had never been.
We stayed in a hotel. There was a young British boy there precociously protesting that everything here was a ‘poor copy of home’ and kept saying Copycat Canada.
He was young.
His voice was high.
And we all giggled politely to ourselves at his little boy vision.
This was at the restaurant.
The restaurant of resentment.
Let’s rewind a moment.
I made myself in charge of food - specifically finding a place for supper.
Someone else had been taking care of food.
I stepped in.1
That was my first mistake.
(never let a hangry man make feeding decisions)
Never let me be in charge of the food.
The children suggested room service.
There was also the dining room at the other hotel across the street. They had kebabs. We all like kebabs.
But it was hotel food.
I have a certain amount of snobbery when it comes to food.
Well. Preferences. Local businesses with local ingredients are preferred. After that, I like MacDonalds.
But that middle of the road corporate shit? Hotel food?
I either want excellent quality or an ass and ear burger from Rotten Ronnie. Mid level pre packaged big box beer and burger joints bum me right out.
They serve hotel food.
I worked at the keg. The sauces come in big frozen bags.
That’s hotel food.
Any place that does weddings and such?
They serve hotel food.
I do not like hotel food.
I’d rather have deep fried rats ass from a grease soaked maggot waggon before having hotel food.
I was going to find a place with out hotel food.
There! I found somewhere. Something something bistro or something. On price / queen / king / duke / full house street.
It looked promising at first. It was the closest place to us that wasn’t our hotel or the hotel across the street. The pictures looked good. It was only ten minutes away.
When we arrived after a delightful walk past gas stations and drive throughs. Though I was looking for a downtown local pub experience, the map led us further out of town. It led us all the way to the third hotel in town and the restaurant therein.
more hotel food
Shit. I had just fished my old man yells at clout rant about hotel food. Yet, here we were. Facing the horror of eating hotel food.
Upon arrival all looked at the menu with disheartened and dejected eyes. Nothing looked appealing. We were all ready to give up. Without another option we didn’t know what else there was. We gave up. We accepted our fate. hotel food.2 We settled in. We ordered. And it was fine.
More importantly we were great. Laughing, together, I bore the brunt of the mockery. We all were out of our element, tired from the walk and enjoying each other. That? That was delicious. I may be developing a taste for hotel food after all.
When it comes to logistical matters, it is ill advised to trust a remarkable fool. Logistics require reasonable logic. A fools logistics follow a fools logic. Which is not necessarily ideal for people prone to hanger. Or, as they are referred to in their upcoming horror film: The Hangry Man - Chronicles of the Hanger part two, the hangering. Let me know in the comments if you would like me to provide you a synopsis of this film. I will do this with the foolsletter if you are at all interested.
really, i should go all through this piece and remove any capitalization of the words hotel food. that stuff is so bad it barely deserves punctuation, let alone capitalization. boundaries are important. The punctuation remains.