What are they teaching children in schools these days?
Back in my day, we learned about important things like the incredible history of piss.
In the turd grade we had to do a project on one of the elements of the periodic table.
My choice?
Phosphorus.
I was fascinated by phosphorus once I learned that it is the element that makes our pee such a wonderful golden colour.
Not only this, but phosphorus was one of the substances used by the early alchemists when they were attempting to create gold outta led.
I can only imagine what they smelt like.
Right?
A bunch of soggy proto-scientists walking around with jugs of dick juice looking for ways to make it shine.
I imagine if their own pee didn’t work they’d try to find samples from others.
Would people donate gladly, or would some robed and bearded man hide under the toilets and beds of wealthy women cackling that they outta take a nice how schwaz for him.
PISS FOR ME MISSY, PISS FOR ME!
Phosphorus is what gives glow in the dark shit its glow.
So, if you’re ever worried about you, your dog or your partner being hit by traffic?
Piss on them. They will glow warmly with your input.
Piss all over yourself, your dog and your lover.
It’s a way to say I care about you. I’m aiming to keep you safe and the toilet seat dry.
Because you know dear reader,
We men aim to please.
What’s more?
If you can’t be seen due to darkness?
They’ll at least smell ya coming.
Enjoy the moment, enjoy the movement.
With every moment of release and satisfaction, treat it as though you’ve been waiting to piss for a long time and send out a contented sigh.
Ahhhhhhhhhh.
Empty bladder, full heart.
Stay stinky you fiends, while living a life with a golden glow.