Part 1: how to clean your closet

an indirect approach

Begin by selling something of value. Make sure it costs more than a thousand dollars. This could be any ordinary household item - a small car, a large surfboard or a new puppy.

Selling the puppy is an especially strong tactic if you wish to ensure that they leave you alone as you age out in an olderholder.

When you are paid for this item, insist on cash. With the cash in hand get home quickly. It’s a nervous feeling dealing with that much money.

Once home, put it in a single pile all neat and tidy like.

Oh dear.

That pile of money keeps falling over.

Oh no.

Your money just wants to be messy.

Resist putting on hippity hop music and showering your partner with the bills. The urge will be strong. Your will must be stronger.

If things become too much, go to the bank and have the twenties turned into fives.

If you’re in a place that they have singles, get singles. But in Canada, the smallest notes here are fives.

Fill the bathtub with bills.

Remove all of your clothes.

Cleanse your soul by rolling nak…