online business?

umpossible according to the etymology of fools

when thinking up business ideas, imagine being the kind of person who wakes up and thinks:

A full day of Zoom Meetings? FUCK YEAH!

Now imagine working with someone like this.

Right?

Right.

This whole business online thing is a scam.

Sure you have to do it.

Who really wants to acutally spend all of their time online?

Even if you have different levels of mobility, the online thing is a mirage. The connections here are far less real than those with the dirt and the farts of the person standing next to you.

Doing ones business requires human touch. Take a look at what The Etymology of Fools has to say about ‘business’

Old English bisignes (Northumbrian) "care, anxiety, occupation," from bisig "careful, anxious, busy, occupied, diligent" (see busy (adj.)) + -ness. The original sense is obsolete, as is the Middle English sense of "state of being much occupied or engaged" (mid-14c.), the latter replaced by busyness. Johnson's dictionary also has busiless "At leisure; without business; unemployed." The modern two-syllable pronunciation is from 17c.

Business has its roots in the Oldest of Northumbrian English. Bisig - anxious, busy, occupied, diligent?

That perfectly encapsulates the state one goes into while attempting to muddy up the toilet bowl.

Let’s begin with the anxious part. That’s easy. Drink the coffee. Move around a bit. Eat a little something then - INTERRUPTION. Everything stops. Every hair on my body stands on end. Sweat. That stress sweat starts to form. Oh shit… What did I eat last night? Was it one of my ‘fuck it, i’ll risk the dairy, free pass nights?’

What would this be like in a real and in person meeting?

In your return to the office are you destroying common areas in ways you forgot possible? Have you encountered any bathroom nightmares?

Ahh the days of free and easy pooping and peeing are now over.

Wipe off your dicks and tuck in yer shirts ladies and germs, you’re back at the office!

Next? Busy, or occupied - I dunno about you but when I’m on the crapper, I’m busy. Don’t bug me. Even texting. I can spend a fair bit of time in there. When I become occupied and on task, I’m like a fart in a pup tent.

And finally? diligent

I always fill out forms properly at the DMV with that lady staring at me. I know. There are dudes who work there, but they give off a pretty big lady vibe as well. They certainly don’t look like the department of natural resources types. Anyway. I’m more diligent with the paperwork when I know there are others whose comfort depends on it.

So there you have it. Don’t do your business online - unless you want to squeeze out relaxed poos, through a half opened anus - this act performed not as a single occupying task but as a careless afterthought with little regard to how close the cheeks are at the moment of discharge while being lackadaisical in the clean up.

And if that’s you?

Please mind your own business.