once upon a time at the polling station

on undead electors and the zombification of the political process

The first alarm went off at 3:25, the second at 3:27, the third at 3:29. This pattern continued until 3:37 when I finally peeled myself outta bed and found my phone.

Ready to go Jim?

My mother in law was up and waiting to go with me to the airport.

Gnnnhhhfffffuuu akkk barasha gnewt!

Nothing intelligible was coming from my mouth

One plane then the next then home.

The day has been a blur.

It’s been a blur except for the bulge in my pants.

We’re having an erection dontchaknow.

I rode my bike to the polling station. Once there I didn’t want to leave.

braiiinnnnnssss! Braaaaaiiiinnnnssss!

I was a zombie elector making ongoing and relentles small talk with all and everyone.

Would you like to help scrutinize the ballot count? We need some voters to do this?

BRRRRRAAAAAIINNNNNNNSSSS!

Zombie voter in a fit of agreeability said yes.

Then, the texts came.

Where are you?

I’ve been asked to be a scrutineer!

???

They want me to supervise the vote count. I was asked!

Somehow in my little kidney bean sized brain bein…