on wanting to want

double dipping in desire

People regularly dump on the honeymoon phase.

They question, how long will it last or that’s fine meow, then what?

What about the pre honeymoon phase when you just start to realize that you like being around them?

When was the last time you were really excited about something or someone such that you just wanted to like it / them?

It’s strange sometimes how desire can multiply itself.

When I started surfing, I REALLY wanted to love it.

There was something intoxicating about being there in the water.

But at the same time?

I was cold, frequently terrified and as a newcomer, I had such low status on the beach that the jellyfish received more complementary attention.

Despite this, I convinced myself that noodly arms so tired they were at risk of falling off my body were pleasurable.

I could even convince myself that a beard salty and matted with frozen salt was a delicious slushy treat.

I wanted to surf. More than that though?

I wanted to love surfing.

I wanted to want to surf.

What do you want to …