on unexpected cattle in the run-in-shed
And a streak of stupidity continues
Alak dear reader!
I almost ran out of ideas.
Today was yet another dreary late winter day.
And today was the first day in a long time where i thought I’d have nothing to say.
I had coffee with my dad.
It was kind of normal.
I drove to the barn with my daughter.
That too was fairly ordinary.
And then?
More normal - I needed to pee.
I found a spot in the run in shed.
The place is filled with a magnificent mix of straw, horse turds, and piss. With my little wee wee - and yes I said ‘little’. Anyone who pisses where horses wee knows just how wee their wee wee must be.
So with my wee wee wee, I added to the barns aroma.
But as I sprayed my swaz all over the hay, Daisy stealthily entered the barn.
Daisy is a cow.
A ninja cow.
She moves like a church fart, silent, deadly and brazen.
She crept up on me unnoticed.
And Daisy?
She has horns.
NO BULL!
Daisy’s a cow, a cow with horns.
Why, dear reader, was she sneaking up on me?
Was she admiring my stream?
Or perhaps she was thirsty.
My pride worries that she was comparing me to the horses.
I’m not sure.
I do know, however, that Daisy, oh dear demanding Daisy, wanted my attention.
And to get it?
She rammed me in the arse with her horns.
Yes.
Yes.
(Yes twice)
Yes this happened
And yes I screamed.
I screamed and pissed all over my feet.
Luckily however, I was wearing my barn boots.
The lesson here is simple, dear reader.
Ordinary days can get really uncomfortable, really quickly.
And?
If you plan on pissing in a paddock.
Be sure to wear your Wellies.
Stay stinky, you fools!