On the medical benefits of being smacked upside the head

dealing with S.A.D. one dodgeball at a time

February is here, dear reader.

This may seem like such an obvious statement, akin to saying Dark? It gets that way at night.

Though the available daylight is increasing, things seem to get darkest at this time of year.

By now, the novelty of ice and snow is long gone. Any traces of vitamin ‘D’ have left our systems and a lot of people are S.A.D. Seasonal Affective Disorder is really, truly a thing.

It’s been said recently that vitamin D is best produced in our bodies though direct sunlight on the skin. Even the Communist bastards at the Guardian now believe that sunscreen isn’t really a great idea.

But with sub zero temperatures?

One doesn’t get much time to walk around shirtless showing the world what an ordinary body looks like.

Do you get the February Blues, dear reader?

I certainly do.

There are days that I’ve felt so low, I was at risk of dropping through the centre of the earth and ending up somewhere in China

That all changed recently.

That all changed with a phone call.

On the other end of the phone was my buddy Johnny Deeper.

Deeper, as I call him, is a massive man, a warrior and a brilliant mind.

Almost two decades younger than me, he’s blessed with a lovely fiancée, two great dogs, a steady job and time to himself.

At 6’4”, he’s a mountain of a man who has the voice of an ancient glacial lake left undisturbed, far from humanity. His speech is less dialogue and more rumble.

I for one would be afraid to visit the Bay Area with him. His resonance could set off the next ‘big one’ sending California cascading into the ocean.

Hey man, what’s happening?

That’s his standard greeting.

Not much Deeps, I replied.

Listen, we’ve got a dodge ball game tonight and we need a sub. You in?

Instantly, I felt my body awash in warmth and joy. Dodgeball? Am I with you or against you?

Deeper laughed. With me.

I am so down! What do I wear to dodgeball?

Clothes. And leave your tiara at home princess. I’ll pick you up at seven.

My whole stated changed. Dodgeball sounded amazing. What could better improve the mood of a middle aged man than playing a middle school game whilst on the same team as a mountain of a man like Deeper?

Success would be easy! I’d merely take my scrawny little body and stand behind him.

For hours I rummaged around the house.

I found shoes, shorts and a water bottle that would all work.

Then, I received a text from Deeper. Don’t wear track pants. You’ll likely blow out the knees.

My reply?

Can I wear my cycling shorts? You know, the ones with the arse padding? I have some that are bibs. I could go full Borat.

I think I heard the rumble of his chuckle miles away.

That would be great. The weirder, the better. Come in a banana hammock. It will give us all something to talk about once you’re gone.

As the day went on, the sky grew dark. Big honkin’ flakes of snow began to fall.

At 5:30, I received another text from Deeper.

Hey man, the other team forfeited. No game this week. Can you come next week?

Though the thought of playing dodgeball lit me up, I wasn’t that disappointed.

Hell yeah, I’ll be there next week.

The mere thought of playing lightened my steps and brightened my eyes.

Getting smashed int he face by a dodgeball is just what I need right now Deeper, I told him over the phone.

Sorry to disappoint you this week Jimmy. But if you need to get smashed in the face, I have boxing gloves in the basement. Wanna come over and spar for a while?

They say every dog has its day and every fool has his limits. I politely declined.

There are few things that would make me feel your as good as being smashed in the face by a dodgeball. Getting smashed in the face by you though? That would be catastrophic.

So now?

Now I get to wait, dream and anticipate the fun of playing dodgeball on a team with Deeper.

Though I’ve grown up to be quite athletic, in my youth, I was small - a bit of a runt.

Even worse dear reader?

I was a runt with a big mouth and even smaller friends.

This did not work out well for me.

Revisiting dodgeball with a heroic mountain on my side seemed therapeutic, healing even.

And having a full week to wait to play?

That’s been even better.

When things are getting tough and the February blues are calling my spirit, I’ve been able to imagine being smashed in the face.

And that dream?

That’s made everything feel a bit more light.

Because sometimes, when you’re feeling down and getting low, a swift smack in the head might just be what the doctor ordered.

Remember folks:

If they throw high, you duck low.

Unless of course you need a smack in the face, in which case, just stand there like a pillick.