on the intolerable perfection of self watering plants

and jeffrey dahmer love

He’s going to kill me. I broke my brand new iPhone and we didn’t get Apple care. Her voice quaked and shook as she spoke.

No Apple care? That was fucking stupid, I quipped oh-so helpfully.

Helpful, she scowled.

You’re welcome. You were sad and afraid because of some stupid phone bullshit. Now you’re angry at me. That’s an improvement. I was right and I knew it. Lost iPhones are WAY less important than being loved. How the fuck did you decide to not get coverage. That wasn’t your decision was it?

Yeah, George thought it was a waste of money. He thought we just needed to be sure to take care of our stuff. She shook her head. He HATES wasting money.

Well, is he aware of who he married? No offense but you’re a fucking train wreck from time to time and a fucking flake. I laughed at my own brilliance, she softened as I laughed.

A rueful smile crept across her face. I am a flake. And I can’t seem to change. I can can get my shit together but I can’t seem to keep it there.

Lovely story, I told her…