on the education of livestock

a fool's approach to training chickens

I’m training my chickens.

They are outstanding at tearing things apart and leaving poops everywhere. I’d prefer if they did this in my massive compost pile.

I hatched a plan. Step one: Get a couple of chickens and put them in the compost. Step two: Create a bunch of little stairs and ramps up to the edge of the compost so the chickens can find their way in. Step three: wait for the chickens to escape their enclosure. Step 4: direct the chickens to the stairs, ramps and other apparatus. Step 5: Omelet.

I began by cornering Salmon and Ella one at a time and carrying them over to the compost heap. They purred and clucked happily as they ripped and tore into the layers of horse manure, hay and kitchen scraps. They ate wasps, pepper seeds, watermelon bits and egg shells.

The others watched jealously from their enclosure. Chickens have a short attention span. They also have a short decision making process. One look at how busy their sisters were was enough to convince the other three to hop t…