on that time a kid asked where to find his hind quarters

and I gave him two bits change

Children’s performers get a bad rap.

I know, I used to perform shows in schools for kids.

At best?

We’re seen as frivolous fops who add little value.

At worst?

Some dudes would joke that I was a pedophile.

Unkind?

You betcha.

In order to perform and work as an artist in schools I had to go through the same process that I did to be hockey coach. I had to get a criminal records check, vulnerable sector check AND my name would have to be checked against the national child abuse registry.

All of these checks proved that I had not yet been a criminal, hurt vulnerable people or had been a child abuser…

Yet.

No dear reader this is not the kind of confession one would expect from a Catholic Priest in some remote village filled with poor orphan boys. I’m not Jimmy the Diddler.

I’m a fool. I spent my years in schools always on my sorta best behaviour.

I mean I was never mean or abusive to kids.

Sure, I sat on the laps of some teachers and perhaps I may have squirted others with a water bottle but 1: they w…