on surfing waves of clinched sphincters

and the elephant spotter

OMG Did you know, dear reader what happens when you have a colonoscopy?

For many here, I’m sure you do.

But for me?

This was all new.

No, I didn’t get ‘tubed’.

I was the driver.

Apparently you are legally fucked up for quite some time after having your poop chute examined and are not considered sober enough to operate a motor vehicle.

So, I wasn’t the receiver of the mud scope. I was a driver and attendant for a friend whose provincially distributed test kit came back with some evidence of turd blood.

It’s quite an experience - again, not the colonoscopy, but showing up and hanging out in a colonoscopy waiting room.

To say that the atmosphere is ‘charged’ is a classic understatement. The air is thick with anticipation, fear and anxiety. Atmospheres like this really bring out the best in people.

First of all, most in these rooms are over tired and underfed having spent the prior evening attempting not to shit the bed. This odd combination of exhaustion and hangry lowers one’s ability to mask …