What’s it like when you ‘return to the scene of the crime’?
That’s not exactly what I mean…
What happens when you return to a place where you got in trouble, struggled or were in some way defeated?
I had my first ride back in the woods recently.
I took one of my usual, favorite routes here in Lake Charlotte.
The last time I rode this way, it was part of a group ride. On the final ten kilometers of the ride, my eye met a stick and a chunk of wood was lodged in my face for four days.
I was making great time until the stick decided to shake hands with my eyeball.
Then?
Then it all went to shit.
All of the challenging climbs that I still had legs for?
I no longer had the will to grind up.
All of the downhills where I wanted to let go of the brakes and let things flow?
With one eye closed, I lacked depth perception. I was nervous, broken and slow.
So it was great to get out again on that familiar trail.
Only this time?
It felt a bit less familiar, a bit more nerve wracking.
Sure, I would have had more confidence if I were there with Zeke.
They say if you want to go fast, go alone and if you want to go far, go with a group.
But when I want to go far and fast?
I go with Zeke.
I spend the day trying to keep up with him.
He motivates me to go faster.
And,
Knowing that there might be someone to call in a helicopter if I don’t make a turn, inspires me to push my limits a lot further than I would on my own.
But the memory of the stick in the eye stuck with me.
I plodded along.
Each squeak from my bike was amplified.
What’s going to break next?
I forgot my emergency tools.
Of course.
Of course the bolts on my water bottle cage came loose.
Improvising with a stick, I managed to keep it screwed down.
But if Zeke were here, there’d be tools.
Instead, it was just me and my thoughs.
On the way home it began to rain.
There are fewer things that will make me ride faster than a rainstorm starting.
The faster I went the more confident I became.
Those hills that I didn’t have the will to climb last time were no match for my fresh legs and determination.
And those descents that I rode earlier in the year as a cyclops?
I thrilled myself with speed.
Did life kick you arse before?
Go back.
Feeling tentative revisiting a place that hurt you.
Take your time. Wait till things start to get really uncomfortable then let go of the brakes and skim along the top of the bullshit.
You’ve done it before.
Now do it again.
