on lost angelas and lost hope

football lessons from the true north strong and free

Today I would like to take a moment to congratulate our American friends.

Your country has performed spectacularly!

You are the fourth greatest country in North American mens football.

Your boys won a participation ribbon! Well done! Display it proudly.

Y’all outta be proud of how your ‘boys’ performed against the Canadian Men last night.

I would also like to take a moment to thank you for not using Jesse Marsch as your coach. (he’s ‘Merican)

Instead?

You hired some chubby Brit to coach your national team.

And Jesse Marsch?

He coached the Canadian Men to victory last night in some suburb of Lost Angelas.

We Canucks should have been playing Mexico in the final.

A missed call by the reff would have resulted in a penalty kick that we most likely would have scored on.

But as Alistair Johnston said, It’s not in our DNA to go rolling around on the ground looking for a call.

We’re neither floppers nor fascists here.

Tough as nails?

For sure.

But paranoid floppers?

Not us.

Dear ‘Merica.

You outta learn from your neighbours to the north.

Though we’re better than you, I’m a bit concerned about the players. We’ve heard that Diego Luna may have hurt himself in the game. I hope he doesn’t need to sell his home in order to pay his medical bills.

Canada may be smaller, but per capita?

We are a superior country in pretty much every respect.

Full stop.

I’m even learning how to do the ‘Merican style chest whomping arrogance!

Who knew eh?

Good luck with your new friends Comrad.

And instead of delicious Canadian eggs?

Enjoy your Russian Prince Vodka.

As for the rest of the world?

We’re open for business.

Buy Canadian eh?