on being a stand up guy

who takes the piss to make the shit go away

How often do you clean the bathroom?

This question isn’t necessarily one of cleanliness.

Frequently, dear reader, it reflects on the age of your children.

When I was a young boy, my aim was poor and a my ability to see the piss on the bowl was fairly limited.

Sure, I’d try to clean up where I could, but my work was far from satisfactory.

Both of my parents were relentless piss scrubbers back in the day - so much so that I dare say that the toilets could get cleaned multiple times per day on a rainy weekend.

These days?

We have someone who leaves large brown tracks on the bowl.

Laura suggested that we get one of those ‘extended toilets’ so that the pee wouldn’t fly up between the seat and the front of the toilet creating a golden waterfall to the tiles below.

I complied.

Now?

Though the bowl handles the pee properly well, turds hit the porcelain before hitting the water.

It’s a sticky situation - with large remnants of poo clinging to the bowl.

When this happens?

I don’t just reach for the brush.

I take a stand, like a man and try to piss the shit away.

When that doesn’t work?

Then I call for back up and get the brush and bowl cleaner.

Odd eh?

The thing we did to try to keep the toilet clean and tiles free from piss ended up making life shitty?

Luckily as it is with a lot of shit in life the solution lies in drinking a lot of water and using something slightly less offensive than the pasty smears to piss that shit away.

Comedy’s like that.

We take the piss outta the shit of life.

Like my mornings cleaning turds of the toilet with urine, you too can take the piss out of your troubles, so much so that you piss the shit away.

How?

Start by taking the piss outta yourself.

Who told you that all this life stuff was actually serious?

And you fell for that?

LOL.

Stay silly you sly stinkers.