on being a stand up guy

who takes the piss to make the shit go away

How often do you clean the bathroom?

This question isn’t necessarily one of cleanliness.

Frequently, dear reader, it reflects on the age of your children.

When I was a young boy, my aim was poor and a my ability to see the piss on the bowl was fairly limited.

Sure, I’d try to clean up where I could, but my work was far from satisfactory.

Both of my parents were relentless piss scrubbers back in the day - so much so that I dare say that the toilets could get cleaned multiple times per day on a rainy weekend.

These days?

We have someone who leaves large brown tracks on the bowl.

Laura suggested that we get one of those ‘extended toilets’ so that the pee wouldn’t fly up between the seat and the front of the toilet creating a golden waterfall to the tiles below.

I complied.

Now?

Though the bowl handles the pee properly well, turds hit the porcelain before hitting the water.

It’s a sticky situation - with large remnants of poo clinging to the bowl.

When this happens?

I don’t just reach for the brush.

I…