Underpants are truly uncomfortable.
Sure, I’ve seen the ernest adverts by groups of men who claim to have solved this problem.
I even have a pair of their manties.
And?
They do not work.
I’m not sure if it’s a sizing thing.
Are my dangle handlers too small?
Are my man bits too big?
Or are they merely anarchists that love to roll into un-possible positions?
Perhaps my arse crack is to attractive.
Why else would my piss catching pants always seem to want to ride up there.
Either way?
I spend a lot of time touching myself.
No.
Not in an auto erotic way.
But in a ‘readjusting the camera lense way’
Not to get a ‘new shot’ but in order to make things more focused and sharp.
I’m not shaking things around down there - they aren’t big dramatic actions, but when a man stuffs his hands down his pants in public, it pulls a lot of focus.
So today my wife asked a question in her partially helpful, partially corrective way:
How are your balls?
My answer to that?
Well, there’s only one right answer when someone asks about the state of your balls:
Long and loose and full of juice.
Dear reader, repeat these words out loud:
LONG AND LOOSE AND FULL OF JUICE
There is no better way to live, nor better way to be.
Please gents,
Touch yourself in public.
Adjust your manties.
Get the beans in order.
Take care of your most precious bits and don’t be shy about it.
We all have sensitive areas.
Taking the time to care for this is empowering.
Some men show their sensitivity by crying when they’re sad.
That’s one way to show that you’re sensitive.
That’s how the psycho - the - rapists pros believe that men outta be sensitive - you know, like women.
Another is to touch yourself in public.
Don’t let the ‘so called experts’ determine what male sensitivity looks like.
For some, it’s a tear stained face.
For the rest of us though, it may have more to do with having the freedom to readjust our nutsacks despite the fact that some find this socially unacceptable.
Screw those fascists.
Get comfortable.
Don’t be shy about it.
Prompt someone to ask you about the state of your testes.
And when it happens?
You’ll know EXACTLY what to say.
Be bold.
Be sensitive.
Don’t hesitate.
