I fell in love today.
Ahhh yes dear reader, I fell and I fell hard
As soon as I did?
I messaged my wife.
Sorry honey, it’s over. We’re finished. I’ve found a new love.
No, dear reader, I’m not having yet another mid life crisis.
I’m not trading the old wife in for someone ten or more years younger than her.
Instead?
I’m in love with a doughnut.
This doughnut?
It’s perfection.
Let’s rewind for a brief moment.
On the way back from a short - 25k ride at the Railyard in Truro, we stopped at Aroma Mya in Endfield.
And that’s when I saw her
Given her beauty, it’s no small wonder she was kept behind glass.
Her perfection was such that I’m putting off fully detailing her majesty. In part to help you differ gratification and in part to allow enough pomp and circumstance suitable for a doughnut of such incredible power.
This doughnut?
It was a maple gazed doughnut with salt and BACON ONTO IT.
I know.
IT HAD BACCON ONTO IT.
Like a lot of gobs of freshly fried bacon.
Not bacon bits but real, live fucking bacon.
After the coffee lady slipped her into a sexy little paper sack, I took her back to my truck and undressed her.
I slid her into my mouth and my god I almost had a crisis. My entire being spontaneously became swollen with an overwhelming sense of joy.
Before my doughnut, I was lost. Once we consummated our relationship, I was found.
Once hungry, I became sustained. Oh sure, too much of her and I might begin to shake, but isn’t that just what a great lover does to a man?
Is she bad for me?
Maybe - some ‘experts’ might analyze our relationship and see us as codependent. What’s worse others will see me consuming her and her clogging my arteries and recommend that maybe I should have picked an oatmeal cookie instead.
But I have a message for the relationship ‘experts’:
Go fuck yourselves.
I know what I like and I like bacon maple doughnuts - sweet and salty and greasy and sustaining all at once.
Sure, I can go a day or two without one but really?
That’s what I like.
Right?
Because when it comes to love, sometimes, you just know.
Once Laura got home, she started pretending to be a bacon maple doughnut.
Then?
Then I realized
I’ve been married to a bacon maple doughnut all along.
You just might be too.
Whatever it is and whomever they are, some might insist that they should be healthier for you.
And if they were?
Well,
They wouldn’t be a bacon maple doughnut.
Love needs to have fat and sugar and all of the things.
Because everybody knows that you can’t make love to a salad.
But a bacon maple doughnut?
They have a hole lot of appeal.
