mansplaining manspreading

who really takes up more space?

You’ve seen them. They’re in coffee shops on the big table taking up four seats. On public transit? The have a seat for their bags, a seat for them and a seat for their newspaper. Ask them to move and make room? The get pissed off.

You know who they are.

They are the manspreaders. Manspreaders seems to manifest destiny across any open public space. Progressive women hiss about them with derision, their moral superiority dripping with every word. He was just so entitled. He took up the entire table!

Ladies, y’all seem to routinely think that you are somehow better, more virtuous, more considerate, compassionate and therefore more morally superior than us men.

YOU COULD NOT BE LESS CORRECT

There, I just lost five subscribers.

Women are no better than men in any way.

(five more subscribers just disappeared)

If the world were run by women, it would not be a better place. Things would not be cleaner, more orderly or compassionate. Things would look like the inside of your purse. Or that seat in your car you don’t use. It would be a complete and utter disaster and not a lick better than the world where ‘men are in charge’.

(ten more subscribers just POOF, disappeared)

Men are not the only inconsiderate ones. Men are not the only people who mansplain.

Don’t blame me ladies. Regular reader Heather M spilled the beans in her comment on a post called OLD FARTS. There she wrote:

My son openly accuses me of mansplaining, thus ignoring my gender and focusing on the behaviour. He is frequently correct when he calls me out. We laugh eventually and I become more aware of my behaviour. His feedback has changed me. I consider his communicating his observations love and an effort to help me be my best self. Plus he gets to razz me. I am a teacher. I explain and connect dots for a living. Some people need a nudge. Some people need a CGI graphic and Morgan Freeman narrating the animated model. For those people, I can devolve into a Splainer. I have removed the gender reference because they are divisive.

Yes the gender reference is divisive. This post is an attempt to find humour about the divisiveness in order to mock and ridicule those who gain power from it - especially those who use a sense of being ‘wounded’ and the self righteousness that comes from injury in order to make others around them smaller.

The term ‘manspreading’ is another idiotic and divisive term. It in fact has nothing to do with spreading and everything to do with finding room for ourselves.

As men, we have to do this. We have to do this because y’all basically control everything else that happens in the home.

(there go five more subscribers, including my sister)

Sure, we pretend to collaborate about furniture, about ‘kitchen appliances, about paint colours and the like. This is just pretend. This is just a game. In reality? We don’t really give two squirts from a diarrhetic skunk what colour we’re slapping on the walls, we just want to get started. We want to get the job done, then go back to doing whatever it is we were doing before someone told us that the walls look like they could use a freshening up. We don’t see the need for freshening up.

Meanwhile, as y’all go bonkers picking out furniture and kitchen devices and the like, we dudes slowly crawl our way to the basement. Where’s the collection of memorabilia from the Punisher series? It’s in backroom in the basement. Your treasured collection of spiderman collectables? That’s up in the attic with the rest of the spiders. The Batman stuff? Batcave.

I’ve heard the complaints: You have an entire room to yourself.

Yes, and you have the kitchen - it’s filled with ‘projects’. The dining room is the same. Materials for the rest of the ‘projects’? They’re in the rec room, under the bed and in the closets. Is all of this necessary? I don’t know? I don’t ask. Why don’t I ask? It’s not safe. You won’t get mad. You’ get hurt. That’s even worse. That when we feel shame.

And you know it.

We men are now so well trained by school and media and Homer Simpson to know that if there’s a problems, we’ve caused it. It’s better just to keep our mouths shut and heads down and spread what remains of our lives all over the big tables in coffee shops.

We manspread because there is no room left at home.

We manspread because you’ve woman spread all over the house.

How many bags do you have?

How many?

How many are stuffed with things that you ‘might someday turn into a craft’?

It may be possible for you and you alone to keep a high school art program in materials for a decade.

How many old shoes and purses do you have stored?

You likely have enough leather in old shoes and purses to sew a full cow suit.

(five more gone, including my mom)

So yeah.

We manspread.

And when you see us, desperate for space getting pissed off at you and your self righteous snideness when you ask us to move, it’s YOUR FAULT.

We manspread because we have no choice. We have no where else to go.

Dudes, when you see a man manspreading, slap him a high five. You know the pain.

Dudettes? When you see a man manspreading? Get off your high horse. Every square inch of space in the world wasn’t created to be shared with and ultimately taken over by you.

(five more subscribers just left, including my wife. see you at home sweetie)