Today I had a zoom meeting with someone I met in an Akimbo workshop.

She was in Montreal.

I began by apologizing. She could function in English.

In French?

I can get by.

My French is limited mostly to the present tense.

No future. No past.

No expertise either.

When I played clown with Philippe Gaulier in Paris

(yes, played. It was a school, but training does not suit what we did. Those who ‘trained in clown’ were absolutely horrible, adios immediately)

When I played in clown, I lived most of my life in humility.

The tools that I rely on most - my access to language, my knowledge base, my quick wit?

They were all gone.

I knew things.

I just couldn’t share what I knew.

I was treated like I was stupid.

I listened intently, picking up on very little that was said and understanding even less.

Relationally, I was an idiot.

Intellectually, I was lost.

And?

I was so unbelievably funny.

And?

I had such pleasure to be alive.

And?

Pain.

It was all there.

Everything I needed in the present tense.

As for the call today?

My colleague thought only having the present tense as a means of expression was a wonderful gift.

Live in French

Listen intently. Live with humility. Don’t rely on your expertise.

Be present.