Letting your clover grow

A little longer

Laughter and resilience part 2 is coming along still. It’s an essential part of the Book of Wrong Answers.

Yesterday’s post on ‘Letting clover grow’ was inadvertently important to the book.

The Book of Wrong Answers is a book that is concerned with our ability to accommodate our own paradoxes, polarities and contradictions.

In Gestalt Therapy we talk a lot about the paradoxical theory of change. Simply put, a person can change by becoming more aware of themselves and not trying to change at all.

You change by not changing.

How does this connect to messy clover?

There are times, when I see a client and they gain some insight about themselves, they have quickly said: Well, I won’t do that anymore…


That statement is highly unlikely.

If there’s something about you, that you’ve done for years, it’s highly likely that this behaviour is somehow functional - either for yourself or it serves a system you live within. With this in mind, whatever change you want to make, will not be made so easily as saying: “I won’t do that anymore”

Instead? It’s better to let the clover grow. Be more yourself. Let things get overgrown, a bit messy. Not violently so. Not like a tire fire. More like a field.

Investigate the field.

See how it works.

What is helpful?

Perhaps there are ways to keep those parts.

What hurts?

How can you find ways to either: 1, prevent things like this from happening or 2, laugh at yourself and recover more quickly?

So, how can you slow down and be more yourself?

Imagine if how you are in the world was good enough.

Imagine that with some more awareness of how you choose, being even more comfortable in your own skin.

One Derful Thing

Another movement based experiment.

This could also be how thoughts and emotions move in your body.


Find a moment to imagine that you’re a hammer.

A sledge hammer?

Roofing hammer?

Jack hammer?

What, who, when and where can you show up as a human hammer?

What would that be like for you?

Do you ever find yourself hammering unaware that you’re doing such a thing?

Let me know.