Late night Xmas dispatch

from our cozy home to yours

Oh my dear reader!

I put it off as late as I could, but now the task is complete.

It’s nearly 2am on Christmas morning and I’ve finished wrapping my share of the presents.

It’s so good that I’m married.

Without Laura, Christmas just would not happen.

With the kids?

I’d be like, here’s some bacon. Merry Christmas.

And I’d then give them each a couple of slices of cooked bacon and that would be that.

But Laura makes things magical and pretty and that’s a good thing for her to do because though I enjoy the magical and pretty stuff, that’s neither my area of interest nor my role.

For the most part, I buy shitty presents.

This year I think I may have wrapped some knitting needles that she bought for herself and has been using for the last six weeks,

There may also be a new / replacement ten year smoke detector professionally installed by perhaps the most handsome remarkable fool there is. I mean I’m talking about a man blessed with a perfectly formed bum.

I also wrapped a gift that was Game of the Year in 2017. It seems that we were not interested nor tried to play this version of dominos with castles.

So, fuck it, I’ll give it to the family again and let’s see if we play it at least once.

This was in part inspired by my search for this years version of that years dud.

(Did that make sense?)

I ordered this years present online.

When it arrived, I hid it.

It was one of those really satisfying hide jobs where you feel really alive and awake and you know that absolutely no one will find this super great present that you’ve hidden.

And it’s true, no one could find this gift, not even me.

It was agony.

I looked where it may have been or should have been but none of the locations worked out. Then?

Then I started looking where it shouldn’t have been.

I searched and returned to multiple places pultiple times.

Then?

Then it finally turned up in the most obviously least obvious place it could have been.

The box was bigger than I remembered but smaller than I imagined.

But now?

Now it’s wrapped.

All of the presents are wrapped and sleeping comfortably in this house filled with the kind of love and joy that was part of the Christmas promise.

Stay bright twinkle arse.