keeping the blinds drawn closed

a riff on emerging

I’ve been inside with the blinds drawn closed for quite a while. I’d like to blame it on the pandemic, but it started long before that.

I’d like to blame it on the minions in schools who liked more when I was quite, small, compliant, ‘reasonable’ (meaning I wouldn’t question their reasons), colourless, taking up little space and all in all non threatening.

This is not me in my natural habitat.

But over time, the system, the judgements, the shame slinging slowly wore down my spirit..

When I was young, I delighted in the light.

I wanted to be seen. I wanted to be heard.

I wanted to go out and see.

I wanted to go out and hear.

I gobbled everything up!

When the question was ‘what do you want’, the only answer I had was:

More.

I am clown, feed me more!

MOOOOAAAARRRRR!

More experience, understanding, sensation, pleasure, pain!

all of it!

MOOOOOOOAAAARRRRR!

But the schools demanded

Reflection.

Hesitation.

Impacts on others.

Lots of listening.

Lots of growth.

Lots of making space for other people.

It was a good th…