Is being a feline he a felony?

this one is for all of those cat loving dudes out there

Dudes typically aren’t known as ‘cat lovers’. Society seems to attribute cattiness with women.

That’s not fair to us cat loving men. I’m reclaiming cattiness for dudes.

He shines for felines! That should be my byline.

This is if I were to work as an entertainment correspondent for a legacy newspaper like the Globe and Mail or the New York Times

If I worked there, I’d do reviews and critiques of cat videos. I know all the elements: Unlikely relationships. Violence. Jumping. Water. Lighting. Sound. Theme. Pain. Absurd. Cute. Number of asslickings. I could teach critical cat video theory right meow. Even without a Phd, they’d take me at Harvard.

Such is the remarkably foolish level of insight and expertise I have in such vital sectors.

If my life were a biopic, you could tell it in a series of cat videos.

(note to self, create a biopic for yourself by using cat videos and a voice over - my life’s story in cat videos)

Though if my life were a Marvel Movie?

That would be a whole nuther bag of catnip.

Ask yourself:

What super hero shows up when they want, as they want whether you want them or not? (open the door on my schedule… stupid mew leggers)

¹

Who can delight in the challenge of a rapid recovery. React. Scream. LICK THEIR OWN ASS BEFORE LICKING YOURS!

CATMAN!

Not Cartman. CATMAN!

If I were a superhero, I’d be CATMAN

I have always loved my cats.

Dogs are fine, but I as a human relate much more to cats.

Right now we have two young cats.

Trevor and Suki.

Trevor is big. Suki is smaller.

Trevor is a bit more than a year older than Suki.

(I will be corrected about this - check back later to find out when / how this happened and the correct answer here)

²

At least once, regularly twice a day they randomly start wailing on each other.

One cat will be walking along, looking for a sunny place to go lick their arse, when

BOOM!

The other cat just smacks the first one.

Hammers it.

One moment I see them cuddling in a chair.

The next moment there’s fur flying everywhere with odd, feline blender sounds piercing the air.

Catman: One moment we’re friends. The next? Foes. Shortly after that? Total disinterest.

Every meow and then I spend the day imagining that I’m a cat. By embodying my ‘catness’ and imitating cat behaviours, I connect with disowned parts of myself.

What animal are you most attracted to?

If you were animal, what would it be?

How are you like that creature?

What’s great about this? How is this a liability?

Do you ever pretend to be this animal?

If no, what’s stopping you?

And if you do, what do you learn? How does this ‘suit’ you?

1. As in ‘two leggers’ meaning two legged creatures in the language of cats. FYI birds are also two leggers but within the ‘tasty two legger’ as opposed to the ‘later two leggers’ that the humans fall within.

2. Who’s doing the research around here? That’s some really substandard work if you ask me.