A yelp came from the thicket.
At under a year old, Rodney was still just a puppy exploring and shouting at the world.
When he emerged, his red face was black.
Are they ants? What kind of - oh shit, those are quills.
Our young dog met up with a young porcupine. The results were almost deadly. We rushed our little red wonder to the emergency vet. After a day’s stay at the vet, Rodney’s face looked better and our wallets felt a lot more light.
Win win?
Win for the porky.
Win for the dog.
Loss of a surfboard or a bike or a trip somewhere for me.
Not liking this, I decided that the next year, I’d hunt and kill all of the porcupines in the area.
Though I achieved moderate success with my 20 gauge, the prickly little rats were still spreading their turds all around the cottage.
My dog wasn’t safe, so neither were the porkeys.
What to do?
It’s times like these that I like to listen to my mother:
When all else fails, go shopping.
That’s what I did.
Mind you, my mother would go to the mall to buy disposable clothing for her grandchildren.
I went up to the Bass Pro shop and bought another box of shells.
No matter what I did - whether it was shot-guns, spears, poisons, or traps, I couldn’t get rid of the little fuckers.
We’re all menaced by things we will neither tolerate nor accept.
When it comes to porcupines and my dogs, I’m not a ‘live and let live’ kind of guy.
Nor do I believe that I should protect my dogs through restraint.
FUCK YOU. RESTRAIN YOURSELF.
(that’s for anyone asking for me to practice restraint - it’s not personal, I’m just tired of porcupines like you… er pricks like you asking me to do more than I am willing or actually able)
I was stuck. I tolerate the fact that porcupines exist.
I do not accept them in my yard.
It’s 90 acres so a fence is completely out of the question.
Sadly, I can’t kill them all either.
I could stay away from the place that makes me most happy. I could restrain my dogs and prevent them from experience the fullness of their doggy selves.
These are all terrible options?
So what did I do?
I’ll tell you what happened tomorrow.
And, just so you know,
That second box of shot gun shells is sitting unopened in the gun locker.
Love the creatures who love you
And if you can’t shoot all of the others, you’ll have to get creative somehow.
Seems like your inquisitive pup needs some armor.